Forever and For Always Part-II
First posted on FB on May 11, 2011
When he woke up the next day his head felt as if his head weighed 20 pounds. There was a throbbing pain. He felt sick in the stomach. He was lying sprawled on the floor on his back. He couldn’t move his body. He just lay there staring at the ceiling. Thinking about his life. All the images flashed by. Only they were not images of his life, they were images of his life when they intersected with her life. He knew the sole responsibility for his state today and his life was he himself. He had known it from the very beginning. Right from the day when she had started dating other guys in school, when she had been out for the first time in freshman year. He knew it all because she had said so any times, in front of her friends, his friends, their friends, in front of him, on his face. She had said she couldn’t do without him. She did love him, but not like that, never like that. She could never love him like that. He had known it to be true. That little voice in his head, which said no, she will love you one day, one day she will come to you, coz she is meant to be with you. One day she will realize that. She will realize that she was meant to be with him. And on that day she would also know what it felt like to not be loved back. How unrequited love destroyed you, killed you. Bit by little bit. How it sucked your life out. And to do that he would wait. Endure the pain. Nurture that voice to give him hope. And watch his own life waste in of front of him.
That day he had decided he would wait even if it took an eternity. He listened to that little voice intently and soothed it, calmed it. Quietened it. So as not to make it hoarse. And he had waited. Through everything. Her numerous boyfriends, her two marriages, a kid. He had waited patiently through everything. And he knew he would wait through Aamir too. He had to. She needed to know what happens when the only person you care about will not be around Forever and for Always. Wouldn’t love you back. Wouldn’t be there for you Forever and for Always.
It had been two years since the day she had come to him and told him about Aamir. Two long
Years. He had waited. He hadn’t chaged his address, his phone number. He even tried to look just the way he had that day. Two day stubble, scraggy clothes, unkempt hair. He wanted to be everything just the way she had left it. The house, the street, the phone number, him. He had tried to freeze everything in time. And he been successful at it. He didn’t drink. He didn’t smoke. All he did was write to her letters he never posted. And ofcourse read her old letters, signed like they were “Yours Forever and for Always”.
Today when he woke up in the morning that little voice had told him, today is the day, you will have to wait no more. He didn’t feel excited, not happy either, he just felt relief. A sense of finally coming close to what one had set for a lifetime back.
He didn’t go to work, he diligently set about checking if everything was in order. He wanted everything to be perfect, frozen in time. Evening came but he was still not ruffled, or restless. Infact he was strangely calm. He knew exactly how the evening would be played out. The doorbell rang. Just the way she always rang it. Incessasntly. He knew her so well, insde out, he could know her coming from miles. There she was. She looked just the way she always had, stunning in her beauty, even in her current state. Weater beaten,tired, tanned, but beautiful never the less. She didn’t say anything, not in the beginning at least. She just hugged him and cried. It had not worked out with Aamir. They had been together only for about 6 months. The split had been ugly. She had tried to take care of things by herself. Bring up her child alone. And that is when she realized how much she missed him and loved him, like that. She knew now that they had always been meant to be together. She realized what a fool she had been not having seen them for what they were , the two people who would be the happiest with each other. And all along she had run after other people who had meant nothing. She kept crying as she said all this and she didn’t doubt for a moment that he would accept he, she was almost too sure that he would be over the moon. And yes he was. His plan was working out perfectly. Her son was with her mom. He served her dinner, her favourite, lemon rice with besan pakoras. They talked some more, about a life shared in pieces. She then sat right next to him. And then they made love, on the couch, silently, but in perfect harmony. She fell asleep soon after. Her face had a contentment he had never seen before mirrored by the contentment he felt in his soul. He carried her to bed. She was sound asleep. She always slept like a baby. He took out her all her letters he had preserved, took all her things he had kept , preserved, loved. He set them all to fire. He went about everything carefully and meticulously. He destroyed all eveidence of his ever having known her , loved her.
He then went to the bathroom. Finally , after all these years he had finally found the guts, the courage within himself to cut his wrist. When she woke up she would know what it felt like to love someone and know they will not be around, that they are gone, Forever and for Always.
First posted on FB on May 11, 2011
When he woke up the next day his head felt as if his head weighed 20 pounds. There was a throbbing pain. He felt sick in the stomach. He was lying sprawled on the floor on his back. He couldn’t move his body. He just lay there staring at the ceiling. Thinking about his life. All the images flashed by. Only they were not images of his life, they were images of his life when they intersected with her life. He knew the sole responsibility for his state today and his life was he himself. He had known it from the very beginning. Right from the day when she had started dating other guys in school, when she had been out for the first time in freshman year. He knew it all because she had said so any times, in front of her friends, his friends, their friends, in front of him, on his face. She had said she couldn’t do without him. She did love him, but not like that, never like that. She could never love him like that. He had known it to be true. That little voice in his head, which said no, she will love you one day, one day she will come to you, coz she is meant to be with you. One day she will realize that. She will realize that she was meant to be with him. And on that day she would also know what it felt like to not be loved back. How unrequited love destroyed you, killed you. Bit by little bit. How it sucked your life out. And to do that he would wait. Endure the pain. Nurture that voice to give him hope. And watch his own life waste in of front of him.
That day he had decided he would wait even if it took an eternity. He listened to that little voice intently and soothed it, calmed it. Quietened it. So as not to make it hoarse. And he had waited. Through everything. Her numerous boyfriends, her two marriages, a kid. He had waited patiently through everything. And he knew he would wait through Aamir too. He had to. She needed to know what happens when the only person you care about will not be around Forever and for Always. Wouldn’t love you back. Wouldn’t be there for you Forever and for Always.
It had been two years since the day she had come to him and told him about Aamir. Two long
Years. He had waited. He hadn’t chaged his address, his phone number. He even tried to look just the way he had that day. Two day stubble, scraggy clothes, unkempt hair. He wanted to be everything just the way she had left it. The house, the street, the phone number, him. He had tried to freeze everything in time. And he been successful at it. He didn’t drink. He didn’t smoke. All he did was write to her letters he never posted. And ofcourse read her old letters, signed like they were “Yours Forever and for Always”.
Today when he woke up in the morning that little voice had told him, today is the day, you will have to wait no more. He didn’t feel excited, not happy either, he just felt relief. A sense of finally coming close to what one had set for a lifetime back.
He didn’t go to work, he diligently set about checking if everything was in order. He wanted everything to be perfect, frozen in time. Evening came but he was still not ruffled, or restless. Infact he was strangely calm. He knew exactly how the evening would be played out. The doorbell rang. Just the way she always rang it. Incessasntly. He knew her so well, insde out, he could know her coming from miles. There she was. She looked just the way she always had, stunning in her beauty, even in her current state. Weater beaten,tired, tanned, but beautiful never the less. She didn’t say anything, not in the beginning at least. She just hugged him and cried. It had not worked out with Aamir. They had been together only for about 6 months. The split had been ugly. She had tried to take care of things by herself. Bring up her child alone. And that is when she realized how much she missed him and loved him, like that. She knew now that they had always been meant to be together. She realized what a fool she had been not having seen them for what they were , the two people who would be the happiest with each other. And all along she had run after other people who had meant nothing. She kept crying as she said all this and she didn’t doubt for a moment that he would accept he, she was almost too sure that he would be over the moon. And yes he was. His plan was working out perfectly. Her son was with her mom. He served her dinner, her favourite, lemon rice with besan pakoras. They talked some more, about a life shared in pieces. She then sat right next to him. And then they made love, on the couch, silently, but in perfect harmony. She fell asleep soon after. Her face had a contentment he had never seen before mirrored by the contentment he felt in his soul. He carried her to bed. She was sound asleep. She always slept like a baby. He took out her all her letters he had preserved, took all her things he had kept , preserved, loved. He set them all to fire. He went about everything carefully and meticulously. He destroyed all eveidence of his ever having known her , loved her.
He then went to the bathroom. Finally , after all these years he had finally found the guts, the courage within himself to cut his wrist. When she woke up she would know what it felt like to love someone and know they will not be around, that they are gone, Forever and for Always.
