A little Less Love Part - III

She was jolted back to the present when Vasu landed on the bed with a thud. He folded his hands beneath his head and stared at the ceiling fan. This had been one of his favorite past time in the last six months. She knew he was going through each and every moment of his life frame by frame,  since the time he met Upasana till the time they parted, in his mind. It was amazing how he could just play it like a movie and pause, rewind, forward at will. He had vividly described it to her atleast two dozen times. She turned her face and looked down at him, his ruffled hair, his unwashed face, his wiry and lanky body. He wasn’t wearing a thread on his body. He had jokingly told her once he hated everything that was against nature, that wasn’t natural and true and so hated clothes. He didn’t let her wear any he was around her in her house either. She kept a bathrobe ready to attend all the unwanted calls and home deliveries of food. She looked at his drawn face and she knew he was thinking of the ugly part of his relationship with Upasana. The part which had torn him apart. The part which had overnight robbed him of his innocence and maturity. She knew how his expressions would change here on. She knew it was very painful for him relieving all those moments and she wished he didn't do that. But he said he couldn’t control it. It was part of his life he could never change. She lied down sideways with her hand supporting her head on her elbow and stroked his arms with the other hand.

He lay still as if he couldn’t feel her. She slowly nuzzled her nose in his ears and she could feel his skin tingle. He turned to look at her. She could see the pain in his eyes. It pierced right through her.  Some little part inside her always singed when he looked at her this way. She wished she could take his pain away, make it disappear without a trace like it had never been there. Go up like a puff of smoke and leave everything behind just the way it was when it had first descended. She tried to take it away temporarily, she justified it to herself, at least for sometime she could occupy some part of his mind so that it didn't hurt him so much. She did the only thing she knew would provide a temporary succor to his wounds.

She knew it was dressing the surface of the wound when the gash ran deep inside and was festering all the while. But she thought to her self, however temporarily it still did make him hers in that one moment.

She kissed him. He didn't kiss back but she knew he would eventually; all the pain would slowly give way to his primal urges.

She kissed him deeply and so deep she felt her soul connect to his. For her this was the ultimate surrender, the ultimate love and the moment when her soul flowed down to meet his and merge into a single entity.

She loved the way he made love to her when he was so pained. It was beautiful. Maybe it was the pain which made his so desperate to claim her in bed, to prove he was a man, he owned her. He was brutal and wild and frenzied.  Sometimes she thought it was good that he was in pain. That pain made him a beautiful lover  but then immediately she felt guilty for getting joy out of his misery.

She tried to come back to the moment. She tried to be in the here and the now and savor the moment and not let her mind make her forget to enjoy the sensations her body wanted her to enjoy.

When it finally happened, he cried. He kissed her on the mouth over and over and kept saying, don’t leave me ever shelly, I love you, don’t ever leave me Shelly, I love you.

She knew deep down this was a reaction to all the overload of emotions his brain was going through and not really what he felt deep down. She turned her face away at the thought.

But it pained her so much that she liked to believe that in this moment he truly belonged to her and none else and in her heart she knew she could spend a whole year in the wilderness for this moment with him.

Here in his arms with him crying, I love you.

She turned his face towards him and with all the passion in her heart she kissed him.