She was jolted back to the present when Vasu landed on the
bed with a thud. He folded his hands beneath his head and stared at the ceiling
fan. This had been one of his favorite past time in the last six months. She
knew he was going through each and every moment of his life frame by
frame, since the time he met Upasana
till the time they parted, in his mind. It was amazing how he could just play
it like a movie and pause, rewind, forward at will. He had vividly described it
to her atleast two dozen times. She turned her face and looked down at him, his
ruffled hair, his unwashed face, his wiry and lanky body. He wasn’t wearing a
thread on his body. He had jokingly told her once he hated everything that was
against nature, that wasn’t natural and true and so hated clothes. He didn’t
let her wear any he was around her in her house either. She kept a bathrobe
ready to attend all the unwanted calls and home deliveries of food. She looked
at his drawn face and she knew he was thinking of the ugly part of his
relationship with Upasana. The part which had torn him apart. The part which
had overnight robbed him of his innocence and maturity. She knew how his
expressions would change here on. She knew it was very painful for him
relieving all those moments and she wished he didn't do that. But he said he
couldn’t control it. It was part of his life he could never change. She lied
down sideways with her hand supporting her head on her elbow and stroked his
arms with the other hand.
He lay still as if he couldn’t feel her. She slowly nuzzled
her nose in his ears and she could feel his skin tingle. He turned to look at
her. She could see the pain in his eyes. It pierced right through her. Some little part inside her always singed
when he looked at her this way. She wished she could take his pain away, make
it disappear without a trace like it had never been there. Go up like a puff of
smoke and leave everything behind just the way it was when it had first
descended. She tried to take it away temporarily, she justified it to herself,
at least for sometime she could occupy some part of his mind so that it didn't
hurt him so much. She did the only thing she knew would provide a temporary
succor to his wounds.
She knew it was dressing the surface of the wound when the
gash ran deep inside and was festering all the while. But she thought to her
self, however temporarily it still did make him hers in that one moment.
She kissed him. He didn't kiss back but she knew he would
eventually; all the pain would slowly give way to his primal urges.
She kissed him deeply and so deep she felt her soul connect
to his. For her this was the ultimate surrender, the ultimate love and the
moment when her soul flowed down to meet his and merge into a single entity.
She loved the way he made love to her when he was so pained.
It was beautiful. Maybe it was the pain which made his so desperate to claim
her in bed, to prove he was a man, he owned her. He was brutal and wild and
frenzied. Sometimes she thought it was
good that he was in pain. That pain made him a beautiful lover but then immediately she felt guilty for
getting joy out of his misery.
She tried to come back to the moment. She tried to be in the
here and the now and savor the moment and not let her mind make her forget to
enjoy the sensations her body wanted her to enjoy.
When it finally happened, he cried. He kissed her on the
mouth over and over and kept saying, don’t leave me ever shelly, I love you,
don’t ever leave me Shelly, I love you.
She knew deep down this was a reaction to all the overload
of emotions his brain was going through and not really what he felt deep down. She
turned her face away at the thought.
But it pained her so much that she liked to believe that in
this moment he truly belonged to her and none else and in her heart she knew
she could spend a whole year in the wilderness for this moment with him.
Here in his arms with him crying, I love you.
She turned his face towards him and with all the passion in
her heart she kissed him.
