I got a feeling - short story

The sun is hot and scorching outside but within my heart there is darkness, black darkness,is not the type which makes you sad, its the darkness which makes you miserable, which wrenches the heart, which twists it and wrings it till all you want to do is pass on into a state of stupor so you can't feel it anymore. I look at the screen of my laptop and click on the refresh button 50 times in a second. The desperation inside me is seeping out through my fingers, I don't know what I am doing. I keep looking over my cubicle to see if he is coming, I fervently shake my leg, My heart feels sour as in I can taste it in my mouth, there is a sour feeling.Haven't slept a wink in the past 58 hours. Haven't eaten a morsel since lunch day before yesterday. And what did i have for lunch , a spoon of pasta when he said he couldn't take this anymore. He wanted to move out of this relationship. Move out? Is this a cubicle? Is it that easy to move out. How can he even think of such a thing? what have I done to deserve it? I have behaved like a dog, yes a bloody dog, licking his feet for the past seven and a half months. Since the day he walked into this office as a database administrator. what does he think he is? I was the first one to make any attempts at being friendly with him. The rest despised him, because a) he had replaced one of he very popular people around and b)He looked like a freak. He wore a big tilak on his forehead, chewed paan. looked as if he were transported from some village in Betia district directly to this swanky office in Mumbai. What really did he think of himself. I as the project manager gave him social acceptance. I turned a blind eye to all the office rumors, I discarded the advice of friends and well wishers alike, I let my career be ruined because all the while I was concentrating on building his, I let my deadlines slip by because I was busy meeting his. I have slipped from being one of the most valued employees to one of the most useless employees around. If it were not for Sridhar (my boss) I would most definitely have got the boot by now. I know , I have completely destroyed my own image, my personality and all for what? For one slime bag so that he can use me and throw me into the trash bin. Well he is mistaken. If he thinks I can get into the skin of a dog then I can also get into the skin of a fox. If he rolls over me then I will ensure I falls flat on his face breaks at least 2 of his front teeth.
I came into the office today, determined to get over the agony of the last couple of days and if I were to go down into the wells of despair, he will not live happily ever after either.
I waited till Shaila walked into the office. She is the big boss around, the big boss with the big , you know what. I waited till she had her cup of coffee and went through all the mails , that is when I clicked on the sent button. I could see her face from my cubicle. Just then Vilas entered her office and she looked up and they had some discussion, she nodded her head and got back to the computer screen. Yes, now is the time, she will see my mail and open it and she wouldn't like what she saw. She would do what I wanted, wouldn't she, that slutty bitch. No matter how discreet she might have been , I have all seeing eyes, that of an owl, I can see clearly in the night. I am an animal. I can get into any avatar , if and when I want to. If I get into the skin of a harmless rabbit most of the time then that is because , it is the current flavor or maybe because at that moment I have taken a fancy to rabbit meat, that does not in any way mean I am goody two shoes. I laugh to myself. the current flavour most definitely is that of a hyena. I must try out its meat sometime. I see her expression change. She looks consternated. The color has drained out fro her face. She looks around to see if anyone has seen her ans then looks back. Time for the second mail. This should really nail it. I get a feeling as if the hunt has ended, I have drawn blood and the darkness within starts to recede.

You and I

I have nothing to say for this post, except that sometimes when you read the works of someone else you feel, oh , this is a perfect encapsulation of my feelings. And that leads me to believing that really some feelings are not that unique, many many people before me have had to battle with the same emotions that I do and many more after me will do the same. The bodies change, the situations differ, but the feelings and emotions are transient. They just get passed from one era to the other without losing any of their vitality , vigor , color or sting.

Let me present one such poem on longing and all those who have felt it at some point of time or the other in their lives will identify with the poet.

You and I
By Henry Alford

My hand is lonely for your clasping, dear;
My ear is tired waiting for your call.
I want your strength to help, your laugh to cheer;
Heart, soul and senses need you, one and all.
I droop without your full, frank sympathy;
We ought to be together—you and I;
We want each other so, to comprehend
The dream, the hope, things planned, or seen, or wrought.
Companion, comforter and guide and friend,
As much as love asks love, does thought ask thought.
Life is so short, so fast the lone hours fly,
We ought to be together, you and I.