Read in Dean Koontz's Book- False Memory

Love was a sacred garment, woven of a fabric so thin that it could not be seen, yet so strong that even mighty death could not tear it, a garment that could not be frayed by use, that brought warmth into what would otherwise be an intolerably cold world-but at times love could also be as heavy as chain mail. Bearing the burden of love, on those occasions when it was a solemn weight, mde it more precious when , in better times, it caught wind in sleeves like wings-and lifted you.

Onwards

Dark is the night
Rough is the way
M alone
And scared
Can’t see what’s ahead
Can’t go back
Fear paralyses me
Fear of what?
The unknown
The unidentified
The nameless
The faceless
I freeze
Can’t move
Close my eyes shut
Reason is absconding
Strength is scarce
Will is feeble
I wish to sleep
I know I can’t
Every cell in my body cries
Not this
Not me
Not now
There are dreams
I have dreamt
Promises
I have made
Places
I want to go
Not me
Not this
Not Now
And so
I wish
I hope
I pray
And
I start bundling up
All the iotas of strength
Will and power
From every square inch of my body
I gather them
I know
The biggest obstacle
Is my fear
And victory lies
In conquering it
And moving forward
Onwards
Into the dark.

Letters to a daughter

Ok , so the first thing that you will ask me is daughter???? , who, when , where and how? ;)
Hold on hold on. No daughter, not yet, but someday definitely.
And when she grows up a little is a teenager, a young adult unsure of herself and confused and not too comfortable to talk it out, I want her to know, its completely normal to go through all the feelings that she would. I would want her to know that it is ok to love, to lose, to get hurt, to be pained, to be angry , to be mean, to be selfish, to be confused, to be unsure, to be restless, to be sad, to be deliriously happy for no reason , to sometimes scheme and plot , to stay up all night, to worry, to dream a million dreams , to hope against hope, to wait, to move on. I would want to tell her that separated in time there was a young girl who would soon become her mother, who went through all these emotions and many more. I dont know if this journal will help her find answers to any of her questions but yes I know, that it some way it will give her the comfort that despite all that happens, life still remains beautiful and every bit worth living.

1st July 2006
Ok sweetie, just to get you started on my frame of mind today, I know u know all the mundane details and facts about me. My age for one,( yeah , you are one of the very few people in the world who knows the real number ;))what exactly I was upto at this age , where I lived , what my parents and your grandparents were doing etc etc. I am not going to bore you here with all that. I will rather make an honest attempt to tell you really all that I was upto then that is now. :)
I am still single, and not really ready to mingle, getting all the attention that I really care about, stuck in life over a silly , stupid job , which I really really loathe, dream of escaping to a secret world every night and spend obnoxious hours over the phone every night , on the sly from mom and dad.
Let me introduce you to the prime characters in my life right now, Mom n Dad feature very prominently for the simple reason that I am living with them, My best friend Fenny, yes Fenny Aunty ,(our friendship goes back longer - will tell ya about how it all started ) My super dork boss, few of my disgusting neighbours, and some people in my office, I will introduce you as and when they pop up on the scene.
Enough of the intros dahlin - will fill you in to what exciting happened today- dont get your hopes up, nothing too exciting really happened to your mom :)very frequently.
Day started as usual, somehow dragged myself from bed at 5.30 in the morn, reache dthe local gym by 6. Worked out some, and chatted more with the trainer, poor thing , she really is worried about her marriage. I listen to so many weepy stories all the time , I wonder if I look like an agony aunt or what, why do I attract evrybody to unburden themselves on me. Not that I mind, sometimes its just that I too get very depressed at the end of it all. Well , rushed back home, got redy, helped mom, argued a lil with Tasha (yes we have been arguing since the beginning of time) , managed to dodge Dad's question of" What are you planning to do with your life?" for the nth time this week, and rushed to office, well not before dolling up.
I have sort of really gotten used to being waited for to make an appearance in office . Everybody looks up ,( I am sure I reach just a trifle late ;) ) can spot admiration and longing and yes jealosy too on the faces of my colleagues. gives me the kicks (I told ya m a mean thing).
Nothing much happened in office today except for catching up on gossip about how preetha is actually doint it with her manager for an onsite posting. Yeah as ususal all of us took charge of the moral rights of the world and gossiped and gossiped behind her back and hushed up as soon as she joined us for lunch, well not really hshed up, we kept trying to make insunuations and snide remarks all along. Either she really is beyond it all, focussed on her goal, whatever that is or is the finest actress the world ever saw, hides her disgust really well.
Yes that really is how exciting my life gets in the office.
Reached back home at around 7 and didnt do anything out of the ordinary except catching up with mom , dad and Tash as to what all happened with everybody during the day.
Did get that sms I had been waiting for all along, fellow has an awesome sense of timing.
and now me planning to sleep off, yes right I know u want to know all about the sms dahlin, nut its already 11 and momma is screaming to shut off the lights, tash is up too , will get suspicious if I am up any longer. dont worry sweets, will tell ya the details tomorrow, bye for now.