Forever and For Always Part-I
First posted on FB on May 11, 2011
He looked out the window of his room. It overlooked the driveway to his building. He didn’t know what he was waiting for. Somewhere in his heart he knew she wasn’t coming back. She wouldn’t . She was gone this time. Gone for good. Gone for forever. Forever and always. Just the way she signed all her letters to him. Forever and for always. He remembered the first letter she had ever written to him. 21 years back. She was nine then. A month older than him. She had signed it
“Yours
Forever and for Always.”
He didn’t know what it meant then but he had liked it a lot. He couldn’t understand why he was so thrilled. He had read it a 100 times by the next day. And million more times over the years. It had got so crumpled and worn out that he had got it scanned and taken printouts of it to keep in his wallet. Every time it got too badly damaged with use he used another copy. No one knew about it ofcourse. Not even her. He knew what her reaction would have been though. She would have laughed hysterically on his face and he would never have heard the end of it. She would have called him what she always did. “Hopeless”. He smiled to himself. He took the original letter out of his closet. He had got it laminated when he had turned 18.Funny how he remembered all the events related to her so vividly. The rest of his life had just gone by in a blur.
Her first letter had been followed by a many more. Her letters were always a scribble as if she was in a terrific hurry to finish. She was the prettiest girl in class. He, the shy, awkward geeky kid. He had been too shy to write back or even acknowledge her. This had gone on for a whole year , when finally one day she had walked upto him when he was alone in the corridor and asked him to wait for him after school. That day after school she had kissed him. His first kiss and also his last. He had spent his entire lifetime in the memory of that kiss. It was as if she had cast a spell on him. Enslaved him. He had become her loyal slave after that. He did everything for her. Followed her everywhere. They became good friends, and slowly she grew out of her infatuation for him. He could still see that night when they had just finished their first term exams in ninth grade and she had told him about her latest crush. The guy from the 10th grade. He had felt numb at first and then as if his heart would stop beating any minute. He had come back home and his knees were still trembling. He had tried to cut his wrist but had only managed a slight cut. He had tried that every night for the next three months, unsuccessfully though. Till the night she had told him she had seen him with another girl and had cried her heart out, on his shoulder. He had held her close and smiled. That night he had gone back home and slept soundly. The first time in three months.
This had become the pattern of his life. His friends had warned him. Enough number of times. They said she was manipulative, selfish, self absorbed. She didn’t care for him. He knew they were telling the truth. That was why he had distanced himself from them. All of them . One by one. He didn’t need to hear the truth. He knew it already. He needed to nurture the little stupid voice in his head that said She was meant to be with him. Always and forever. He had screwed up his grades. A seat in IIT to study Art in her college. Just so that he could be close to her. He had gone abroad after her when she went to pursue her masters. He had been with her through everything, boyfriends, break-ups, two marriages, a kid. All the while secretly nurturing his dream. The one she had started. Always and forever.
But tonight when she had come to him he knew things would never be the same after this ever again. She had hugged him tight. His head was starting to swim now. Maybe the pills were taking their effect. He knew the clock was ticking. She had said she as leaving the country with Aamir, her latest boyfriend, He had even accepted her kid. She would be changing her religion. She didn’t tell him where she was going coz she said Aamir didn’t like her being friends with him. She had a faraway look in her eyes. He held her close, smelt her hair and said goodbye. She walked out of his house in a hurry. He went staright to his desk and wrote a lettr to her saying how much she meant him, something which he had never been able to do. He signed it,
“Yours
Forever and for Always.”
He knew he couldn’t cut himself.Not even to shorten his own misery. He still didn’t have the guts. So, he just sat back and closed his eyes, waiting for the blackness to envelop him Forever and for Always.
First posted on FB on May 11, 2011
He looked out the window of his room. It overlooked the driveway to his building. He didn’t know what he was waiting for. Somewhere in his heart he knew she wasn’t coming back. She wouldn’t . She was gone this time. Gone for good. Gone for forever. Forever and always. Just the way she signed all her letters to him. Forever and for always. He remembered the first letter she had ever written to him. 21 years back. She was nine then. A month older than him. She had signed it
“Yours
Forever and for Always.”
He didn’t know what it meant then but he had liked it a lot. He couldn’t understand why he was so thrilled. He had read it a 100 times by the next day. And million more times over the years. It had got so crumpled and worn out that he had got it scanned and taken printouts of it to keep in his wallet. Every time it got too badly damaged with use he used another copy. No one knew about it ofcourse. Not even her. He knew what her reaction would have been though. She would have laughed hysterically on his face and he would never have heard the end of it. She would have called him what she always did. “Hopeless”. He smiled to himself. He took the original letter out of his closet. He had got it laminated when he had turned 18.Funny how he remembered all the events related to her so vividly. The rest of his life had just gone by in a blur.
Her first letter had been followed by a many more. Her letters were always a scribble as if she was in a terrific hurry to finish. She was the prettiest girl in class. He, the shy, awkward geeky kid. He had been too shy to write back or even acknowledge her. This had gone on for a whole year , when finally one day she had walked upto him when he was alone in the corridor and asked him to wait for him after school. That day after school she had kissed him. His first kiss and also his last. He had spent his entire lifetime in the memory of that kiss. It was as if she had cast a spell on him. Enslaved him. He had become her loyal slave after that. He did everything for her. Followed her everywhere. They became good friends, and slowly she grew out of her infatuation for him. He could still see that night when they had just finished their first term exams in ninth grade and she had told him about her latest crush. The guy from the 10th grade. He had felt numb at first and then as if his heart would stop beating any minute. He had come back home and his knees were still trembling. He had tried to cut his wrist but had only managed a slight cut. He had tried that every night for the next three months, unsuccessfully though. Till the night she had told him she had seen him with another girl and had cried her heart out, on his shoulder. He had held her close and smiled. That night he had gone back home and slept soundly. The first time in three months.
This had become the pattern of his life. His friends had warned him. Enough number of times. They said she was manipulative, selfish, self absorbed. She didn’t care for him. He knew they were telling the truth. That was why he had distanced himself from them. All of them . One by one. He didn’t need to hear the truth. He knew it already. He needed to nurture the little stupid voice in his head that said She was meant to be with him. Always and forever. He had screwed up his grades. A seat in IIT to study Art in her college. Just so that he could be close to her. He had gone abroad after her when she went to pursue her masters. He had been with her through everything, boyfriends, break-ups, two marriages, a kid. All the while secretly nurturing his dream. The one she had started. Always and forever.
But tonight when she had come to him he knew things would never be the same after this ever again. She had hugged him tight. His head was starting to swim now. Maybe the pills were taking their effect. He knew the clock was ticking. She had said she as leaving the country with Aamir, her latest boyfriend, He had even accepted her kid. She would be changing her religion. She didn’t tell him where she was going coz she said Aamir didn’t like her being friends with him. She had a faraway look in her eyes. He held her close, smelt her hair and said goodbye. She walked out of his house in a hurry. He went staright to his desk and wrote a lettr to her saying how much she meant him, something which he had never been able to do. He signed it,
“Yours
Forever and for Always.”
He knew he couldn’t cut himself.Not even to shorten his own misery. He still didn’t have the guts. So, he just sat back and closed his eyes, waiting for the blackness to envelop him Forever and for Always.
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